You are faithful

So I cried again in church today. This is not really an uncommon occurrence. However, this wasn’t the “slyly wipe the tear away before it rolls down your cheek” cry. No, this was the “I can’t sing, my sleeve is soaked, eyes are red, husband is worried” cry.

I blame my church leaders. They present the gospel EVERY week. And when you know what God has done for you, how can you NOT cry when you hear it…I mean really?! ☺

But back to why I was bawling my eyes out in church…

We sang this song by Matt Redman this morning. Here are the lyrics:

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Of course, like is usually the case lately, my mind immediately went to our (in)fertility adventure. We lost two babies (2008, 2009). God was there. He was with us and we were not alone. We had two baby girls (2009, 2011). He was faithful and we could/can see how far we’ve come. We lost four more babies (2012, 2012, 2013, 2013), and He is still with us. We are not alone in this adventure and heartache.

We don’t know what the future holds. We don’t know what scars and struggles are in our future…but we know they will come…and we know we will not be alone and He will STILL be faithful to His gospel.

When they hear our story, lots of people tell me “Wow, I couldn’t go through what you’ve gone through. You’re so strong. Etc.”

My response is always the same. “No, I’m not. I’m weak. I hate it. I hate that we’ve lost so many. But God’s plan is good. He gives me strength. I can’t do it on my own, but my God can. He sustains me and gives me strength.”

I am definitely carried by His grace and there is NO way I could ever do this on my own.

I have a feeling our “baby makin’ days” are over. That we will not get answers as to why so many losses. That we’ll never know here on Earth why He “gave” us 6, and then took them away. And I hate it. It sucks. (sorry mom! ;-) ). And I wish it were my way.

But even if it’s not, that’s okay. Even when my mind can’t, my heart CAN say with joy that I’ve never been alone, He IS faithful.

God, fill me with YOU, your grace. Let me breathe it in, so I can breathe out YOU to others. So I can praise you in ALL circumstances- no matter what battlefield, scars or struggles will come. God, empty me of me, and fill me with you. You are true joy, and even when my mind and lips cannot comprehend- my heart sings with JOY for all you’ve done.

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This is not a “real” blog post- was just too long for twitter.

If the 2yr old drops the iPad on her toe, she will repeatedly scream “epad, ouchie!” While pointing at said hurt toe. She will refuse band aids, snuggles, lunch, medicine, cleaning of the cut, blanket snuggles, nap, and any sort of “let mommy help you feel better” remedy. This screaming will continue for an hour.

This will of course happen shortly after the teething 10 month old finally falls asleep after he refused any “mrs Jonna can help you feel better” remedies. He will wake up, thankfully, as happy as a clam after his short nap.

Praise God the 3 month old slept through all this chaos. What a champ!


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I know, “is she really talking about Plexus…again“?!?!

Yes. Yes I am.

I can’t even begin to describe to y’all what Plexus has meant to me these past 3 months. Is it life-giving? No, that’s Jesus. Don’t be silly, now. But from November 5 to now…with a 2 week holiday hiatus…it has given me so much.

Health wise what have I gained from Plexus?

  • 10 pounds gone
  • 7.5 inches gone
  • I sleep so much better through the night now
  • more energy
  • more focus
  • I have not worked out while taking Plexus. I have not dieted while on it. Do I realize that I will have to exercise and eat healthier to reach my ultimate goal weight? Absolutely. But Plexus is helping me make better food choices and giving me more energy- both of which I know will help me when I reach the point of needing to exercise.

    Financially it has blessed us so much. Per company policy, I am not allowed to post amounts, but I can tell you that the first month, I got a paycheck. It was small, but it was something. The 2nd month was 12X more than the first month. And with tonight being the 31st…the last ordering day of this month…I can tell you that this next check will be 36X what I made that first month! It’s MORE than what I get paid to watch my sweet boys for TWO weeks! More than that! I’m ASTOUNDED! All for posting on Facebook!

    I have gained some sweet, sweet friendships through our team. I am blessed to be part of a team who rally around each other, support each other, offer advice, etc. And I’m not just talking about with Plexus. These (mostly) ladies pray for me, make me laugh, keep me grounded, answer questions, and lift me up. They are amazing!

    So do I love Plexus? Definitely. Is it just all about weight loss and trying to push a product? Absolutely not. When you find something that gives you so much more than weight loss, and you see your friends who are desperately searching for the same things, wouldn’t you share it with them, too??

    Which brings me back to Jesus. No, Plexus is not life giving. Jesus is. If you’ve got Jesus, you’ve got it all. And wouldn’t you want to share that with everyone, too? Who have you shared Jesus with lately?

    As much as I love Plexus and would love for you all to try it…my challenge for you tonight is Jesus. Tomorrow, find someone…a stranger, a friend, an acquaintance, your grocery bagger, anyone…and share Jesus with them. Tell them what He’s done for you. Is it uncomfortable to put yourself out there like that? (I mean come on- I’ve shared my fat pictures on Facebook! Uncomfortable!!). Sure. But think of the LIFE it could give to someone!

    Go! Share!

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    Why I can never have 4 kids…

    Most of you know I “have” 4 kids now days. Caden and Kennedy, our sweet little girls, and then two sweet baby boys I watch each day. Their ages, in case you forgot, are:
    Caden- 4
    Kennedy- 2.5
    J- almost 10 months
    K- 3 months
    To say it’s busy around here would be an understatement. It’s the best kind of busy, though.
    Being so busy typically means my two are free to run around and play to their hearts’ content without me checking in too terribly often. This is especially true after they’ve just eaten lunch because they are full and happy, and I’m generally feeding one or both boys. Today was no different.
    Call it mother’s intuition or whatever you’d like, but while feeding J, I felt like I just HAD to go check on the girls upstairs. Glad I did, because it did not end well!
    Clue #1- extremely giggly little girls.
    Clue #2- happened when I noticed a very fine dust in the air while walking up the stairs.
    Clue #3- the dust smelled really, really good.
    Clue #4- Caden’s bedroom door was shut.

    I open the door and am almost knocked over by the smell of baby powder and presence of dust in my face.

    I open the bathroom door and find a scene similar to this one:

    Only the baby in the picture was Kennedy, and Caden was happily dumping the powder on her while they both laughed! No joke, Kennedy’s normally jet black hair was ALL WHITE from the amount of baby powder in it! Oh my!!

    I’d love to say I calmly laughed and joined in the fun, but the horrified looks on the girls faces and desire to immediately obey and answer “yes mommy” for the next 15 minutes would betray that statement. Maybe next time I’ll laugh. Or maybe next time I’ll close the powder lid before putting it on the changing table.

    While this story is proof of why I shouldn’t have 4 of my own, at least my two are bathed and I don’t have to do that tonight! ;-)

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    • a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
    • true understanding of the relative importance of things; a sense of proportion.

    This word has been on my heart lately.  Weird.  A certain word being placed on my heart…but it has.  Over and over the past week or so, this word has been shown to me in many ways.

    • When I was at the grocery store today trying to corral my overtired kids in the produce aisle and saw a sweet grandmother type beaming at the kids.  She stopped me, laughed, and said I had my hands full.  Then she proceeded to share how she used to venture out with her six kids every day when they were younger.  SIX KIDS…2 sets of twins.  Every.  Day.  Perspective.
    • “Live with Abandon” by the Newsboys playing on the radio as I got in the car tonight on the way to my very own private pity party at Target.  The part that grabbed me were the lyrics “There’s gotta be so much more to life than this.  A higher calling that I missed.  I want my life to count…every breath.”  Perspective.
    • This video I saw on facebook.  Perspective.
    • And this one…also on facebook.  Perspective.

    So it’s been on my heart a lot.  Whose perspective am I using?  The world’s?  My own?  God’s?

    I’d love to say it’s always God’s.  But if I’m honest with you, and more importantly, honest with myself…it’s a big old mix of mine and the world’s.  I put my own wants, desires, needs, attitude, perspective above everything else.  What I want matters more.  What I feel matters more.  What I think matters more.

    But when I really stop and think about it, when I really get my focus back through the lens of the right perspective, I see things the way God does.

    • My kids, even when overtired at the grocery store, are a JOY, a DELIGHT, and an INHERITANCE from The Lord.
    • Being “just a mom”, even on the harder days, IS my higher calling.  I get the amazing opportunity to pour into these little souls EVERY DAY.  When I see this “job” through God’s perspective- every breath does count- it does matter.
    • My actions, however “irrelevant” I think they may be, have lasting consequences.  Consequences I may never know, or ones I may know after it’s too late.  I must weigh EVERY decision with the scales of God’s perspective.
    • Little eyes are watching.  They may not yet have the lens of God’s perspective to see through, but they are watching and deciding and choosing how they will grow.  Again, EVERY decision, word, action, and eye roll (yes…I do that) is seen by little eyes.  Will they see a mom who does everything for herself, or does everything for God?  I pray it’s the latter.

    So, what perspective are you using?  Will you pray with me this week that we all choose God’s perspective?


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